I always think to the future.

There is always a time in the day, everyday, when I think about what my future looks like. Academically, politically, socially, all of these factors.

I feel I am odd in this respect.

One of my previous and still a sort of weakness of mine though is over thinking the past. Now not all things about the past is bad don’t get me wrong. Thinking to the past to not repeat mistakes in the future, is how you should look at the past. However, I used to think of the past and make it something that takes over my mental capacity, and basically in normal terms overthink everything. If I did this then this wouldn’t happen, or if I did this that would have happened. This made me very down at times and sometimes even ill, and this wasn’t right. So lately I focussed my full attention on the future, with a small beady eye on the past, for the reasons above.

One of the first things I thought about was living. I have so many dreams, places I want to go to, things I would like to eat, businesses I would love to experiment with. The mantra ‘You only live once’ often comes into play here.

So to fast forward to now, its a week from my 19th birthday, which is the last year of the teen years and I haven’t done anything purely sporadic and for myself for a little while, being so focused on work. I decided to write a list of things I would love to do.

The winner by far was travelling to New York. I have always loved this place, before I have even been there. Just the place itself, the sights, the culture, the bustling nature of New York fascinates me and entices me. So then my next debacle would be who would go? My family were grounded for the time being and to bring everybody would up the costs by a large margin. Friends also suffered the same problems. Also part of me wanted alone time to clear my head, and release this stress and built up emotion by exploring a great new place I’ve never gone to. The decision was then made I am to do it alone.

The first week of May, I intend to visit New York for a week, explore the Statue of Liberty, explore the city in the sky with a helicopter ride, visit the iconic Apple store on Fifth Avenue, and most importantly do something I have always longed to to do, visit and pay my respects at Ground Zero. Even describing the trip excites me and I cannot wait. Some people called me mad, by saying, ‘you are stressed and want to relax, so then you decide to go to the busiest city in the world?’ and they have some sense in the questioning of my logic here. However that’s me, I have always been immersed in a city. I love the country and the country is somewhere where I have fond memories and intend to continue making great memories, but my life is the city. I live in London, ‘arguably’ another very, very busy city. So to visit New York with no business or work agenda is my relaxation, I always dart around London to meetings, trips, appointments, and never act like the stereotype tourist and take it in. Thats what I want to do in New York, be a tourist, walk around with no agenda at all, just be free and do whatever my heart desires.

Thats what I want the most!

Now of course, I shall blogging everyday and giving in-depth looks into what I do there, for me to reflect upon afterwards, and also for you the reader, as It may, and I hope inspire you to do the same. When you feel overworked and work becomes a chore and not a job, then thats when you need to let go. Theres a quote I always love to refer too, ‘Sometimes it hurts less to let go than to keep holding on’. Now I’m not letting go of my business per say, however Im letting go of all the stress and the built up emotion that comes with being me and running a business at the same time. Im a holder. I hold in my emotions and hope they stay, however they don’t. More so now that I have come to realise that they don’t stay and they do climax and come out in ways I don’t want them to sometimes. This is partly why I love writing blog posts. This is my way to reflect and gently let them out in the form of words, even if no one reads them.

So stay tuned, I shall be blogging before hand but my May segment shall be focused on New York! I will also be making a tabbed page especially for the trip to keep those blog posts in one place!

Goodnight x

B šŸ™‚

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