This is a post I thought I could never write, and its been a long time coming, and well, staying true to the Thoughts to words mantra I’ve spoken about before.
The title of this post is a great quote from Author Ernest J. Gaines. It sums up my confusion in society and some peoples views. Why are we more comfortable, watching the news every single day and seeing men holding guns, bombs, weapons, in other words hatred and war, than seeing two people of the same sex holding hands, in other words, Love.
I am a relatively quiet person, and I have, until now, kept my identity and true self hidden away for almost 19 years. However as I’ve grown older, and hopefully more wiser, that ability to stay quiet and not be my true self, has slowly fallen away.
2016 was a big year for me. I had exposed my true identity for the first time, to someone I love dearly, and am very close too, and had been greeted with a response only she could give. Pure love.
This had given me so much confidence, and really not much has changed. We have the same banter. We have the same arguments, same jokes, same attitudes. The only thing has changed is that our bond is forever stronger.
In college I never felt that comfortable. Me being me wasn’t a comfortable thing for me, wasn’t in my comfort zone. I also wasn’t very very close to anyone during those two years. Not close enough to tell them my, what you could call ‘deepest, but not darkest, secret’.
So when I started University, I was relieved college was over. I felt a new found confidence in which I could enter with a clean slate and be my true self, without having to really come out to anyone.
My first year of Uni has been the best year of my life. I have gained some great new friends for life, who also, accept me fully and cast no judgement. I have transformed into such a different person, the way I conduct myself, the way I dress, my mindset on certain things, like who I am. All changed, and changed for the better. Im more open, in everything I do. I booked a holiday to the US, rather quickly and out the blue, because I could and I wanted to try something new. (And was financially semi ok haha not the case anymore 😦 ) I try bold colours in my fashion, like my iconic bright red chinos, that have proven to be rather divisive in terms of peoples opinion, but I love them so thats fine!
The last week, and more so very recently, whenever I decide to publish this post, was the final barrier to me embracing my true self, being broken. Im now fully open, truly happy and extremely proud of myself for the achievements the past year has brought.
If you are reading this, and feel like I did, please don’t feel closed and hide who you are. I used to feel the exact same way and it proved to be very unhealthy for my mental state of mind, and got me more down than up. Always feel free to contact me too I have a contact page here, so drop me a message and I’ll be more than happy to offer more personal advice.
Even writing this post. Exposing myself, breaking that barrier. I just feel so happy and free. This leads me onto my final quote that I found very recently:
“All of us who are openly gay are living and writing the history of our movement. We are no more – and no less – heroic than the suffragists and abolitionists of the 19th century; and the labor organizers, Freedom Riders, Stonewall demonstrators, and environmentalists of the 20th century. We are ordinary people, living our lives, and trying as civil-rights activist Dorothy Cotton said, to ‘fix what ain’t right’ in our society.”
Senator Tammy Baldwin
Im proud of who I am, proud of my achievements, proud of what I stand for, and most importantly, proud to be gay.
Brandon x x x