Category Archives: Me

What 2017 Taught me.

So it’s 2018. A new year, and by the usual clichè means new me right?

Well this year, that statement is right.

2017 taught me so much about myself. I started dating for the first time, as a comfortable open gay man. Found some amazing people that I can still call friends, something that never usually happens but I somehow found. I experienced new feelings, new thoughts and a new mindset. I was beaten down, I rose up. So much happened in 2017, it almost feels like 2017 was the amalgamation of four or five years squeezed into one.

So, when 2017 was finally over, I entered with a new mindset and new vision for my life.

I also had a huge personal awakening about the future. My limited time at Uni, the fact I only have one year until this lovely freedom is over and its down to the big wide world. The world of education over and life of being a real independent adult begins. It occurred to me how many things I wanted to still achieve before my work as a serial entrepreneur takes up 200% of my time. Even though I’m working hard in Uni with my business, the fact this is uni still gives me a sense of freedom to do as a please, but that freedom is going to be over very soon. This was a shocking revelation that I already knew but somehow forgot (Or ignored).

I started a fresh and crafted a new me. Literally. Left 2017, and my dark brown hair behind and ushered in blonde, open, honest and experimental me to the mix. I’m still the same me, but I feel more confident, I feel more willing to try new things and feel like I can craft my own path to wherever I want to go.

In a way, I feel the same as I did in 2016 when I first came out. That buzz of something new, I’m thrilled to have that feeling back.

2017 worried me that I would not feel that way again because of the amount of crap that faced me. However, the relief was great when the feeling came back. I am comfortable to meet new people, date new people, enter a new phase of my life, where I can make up for the lost time when I was hiding in the closet of who and what I was.

My business is set to take off this year, and so am I. I’m ready to take this year and bring the learning from last year and making this year the year of me.

This is a good year 🙂

Stay tuned for more posts soon! I’m back and not going away again!

 

B x o x o x o

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So Oprah does one speech and shes qualified to become President. God save us all.

So this is my second rant of the day, but bare with me just needed to get this down.

I was reading the paper this morning and after getting rather annoyed at the egotistical ‘black dress protest’ I then see, ‘ After a raising speech, Oprah urged to go for President’. God save us all.

It seriously cannot be true that we now live in a world where every Tom Dick and harry who has money can run for president. Yes she did an ok speech, again very ego boosting but that is another post. Hows her foreign policy, her domestic policy, her economic policy? Hmm seems all forgotten.

Donald is a buffoon and should not be in the White house at all, but at least he as some connection with the Republican party all his life. Oprah is a chat show host…

Arnold I could say could do it because you know, he was the Governor of California and has Political values. Oprah does not.

Gosh it really worries me the future. I thought Donald was bad, but seems we are now in the era of Celebrity reality show politics when it comes the American Government. Whose next to take the Oval Office, the Rock? Arnold? Oprah? Ellen? Maybe even Kim, Kylie, or the other K sisters. Maybe even Kris Jenner!

Wearing Black doesn’t do anything but boost your ego

So we have the Golden Globes, a big party full of rich amazing actors, who get nominated and maybe win a sparkly award. Yaay.

Now this year, due to the whole Harvey Weinstein controversy, many actresses and women in the audience wore black, no not to mourn, but to show their allegiance or whatever.

No I’m sorry but wearing a black dress ladies does not stop harassment.

It doesn’t need to have awareness raised, its been slapped over the news for half a year. So why do rich pompous celebrities feel either boycotting or wearing the same color dress does anything to stop harassment.

I really annoyed me when I saw this, as this is more of a rant post, but do not use the blanket of your gender and harassment, to either boost your ego, or be in the ‘It Crowd’ as that’s basically in a nut shell why they wore black dresses.

But that’s it from me on this topic.

Letting Go III

The sun sets, finally after a long time. When a person you once held dear and close to your heart decides to become poison. Play with your mind and use their hold on your heart against you, make you feel weak and useless. Well that doors shut now. The one positive out of this situation is that I have realised how amazing my life is right now. The amazing friends I have, my family, my amazing man and my dreams ahead. The person that once was so strong to me, now but a shadow behind me, fading as the daylight falls as sunset nears. I now stride ahead, more confident and more determined to leave that behind me, carry on, and bloody achieve my upmost dreams and I have the best person next to me to guide me there. Off I go to my destiny, just with a little less luggage.

B x x x

Free.

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?
A great quote about the power of being free by Mary Manin Morrissey.

B x x x

A post that still means a lot to me :)

This post is a post that I read time and time again. The post that started my new life. That broke the barrier I held to the world. The protection against knowing my true self. Smashed into a million different pieces with this post. Its a post that still gets a high number of views a number of months after its release. It humbles me, that my coming out has been seen by so many and hopefully inspired and helped people to come out themselves. So, here it is, the post that changed my life;


“Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?”

This is a post I thought I could never write, and its been a long time coming, and well, staying true to the Thoughts to words mantra I’ve spoken about before.

The title of this post is a great quote from Author Ernest J. Gaines. It sums up my confusion in society and some peoples views. Why are we more comfortable, watching the news every single day and seeing men holding guns, bombs, weapons, in other words hatred and war, than seeing two people of the same sex holding hands, in other words, Love.

I am a relatively quiet person, and I have, until now, kept my identity and true self hidden away for almost 19 years. However as I’ve grown older, and hopefully more wiser, that ability to stay quiet and not be my true self, has slowly fallen away.

2016 was a big year for me. I had exposed my true identity for the first time, to someone I love dearly, and am very close too, and had been greeted with a response only she could give. Pure love.

This had given me so much confidence, and really not much has changed. We have the same banter. We have the same arguments, same jokes, same attitudes. The only thing has changed is that our bond is forever stronger.

In college I never felt that comfortable. Me being me wasn’t a comfortable thing for me, wasn’t in my comfort zone. I also wasn’t very very close to anyone during those two years. Not close enough to tell them my, what you could call ‘deepest, but not darkest, secret’.

So when I started University, I was relieved college was over. I felt a new found confidence in which I could enter with a clean slate and be my true self, without having to really come out to anyone.

My first year of Uni has been the best year of my life. I have gained some great new friends for life, who also, accept me fully and cast no judgement. I have transformed into such a different person, the way I conduct myself, the way I dress, my mindset on certain things, like who I am. All changed, and changed for the better. Im more open, in everything I do. I booked a holiday to the US, rather quickly and out the blue, because I could and I wanted to try something new. (And was financially semi ok haha not the case anymore 😦 ) I try bold colours in my fashion, like my iconic bright red chinos, that have proven to be rather divisive in terms of peoples opinion, but I love them so thats fine!

The last week, and more so very recently, whenever I decide to publish this post, was the final barrier to me embracing my true self, being broken. Im now fully open, truly happy and extremely proud of myself for the achievements the past year has brought.

If you are reading this, and feel like I did, please don’t feel closed and hide who you are. I used to feel the exact same way and it proved to be very unhealthy for my mental state of mind, and got me more down than up. Always feel free to contact me too I have a contact page here, so drop me a message and I’ll be more than happy to offer more personal advice.

Even writing this post. Exposing myself, breaking that barrier. I just feel so happy and free. This leads me onto my final quote that I found very recently:

“All of us who are openly gay are living and writing the history of our movement. We are no more – and no less – heroic than the suffragists and abolitionists of the 19th century; and the labor organizers, Freedom Riders, Stonewall demonstrators, and environmentalists of the 20th century. We are ordinary people, living our lives, and trying as civil-rights activist Dorothy Cotton said, to ‘fix what ain’t right’ in our society.”

Senator Tammy Baldwin

Im proud of who I am, proud of my achievements, proud of what I stand for, and most importantly, proud to be gay.

Brandon x x x

Say what you want.

Say what you want. That’s today’s theme.

What I have found lately is that people switch very quickly in your absence. Not all, as if you didn’t trust anyone that would be rather problematic, but some people. Some people who, in my mind, I feel are threatened, or feel they are threatened by your presence. Feel that the spotlight may be moving off from them and moving to someone else, that someone maybe, just maybe, came up with a better idea than yours.

Now a normal person, like you and I, would go to that person and express your thoughts. If I legitimately thought someone is in the wrong i go to them and have a quiet chat and chat things out over a coffee, move on, progress, and not linger and drag the past along. However some people do not work this way.

Some people are like fishing boats. They go along in life, and behind them, is a huge net and drags the negativity and the bitchiness of the past. Drag your flaws and your slight missteps, your personality, your life, behind with them. They then store it in this ever growing net they drag behind them and then use the contents as weapons against you. Now these weapons are not like guns and knives, bombs and shrapnel. They are poison. Slow acting, grinding poison, that builds and builds. They also don’t do it to your face. They cant, they just cant tell you to your face what they have. They decide to do it behind your back, and try and turn your closest friends against you and stain your name with their poison. Poison.

I have always known these people existed, we don’t live in an ideal world and never will. There are good and bad people and the  bit in between. I know that and always have.

However the thing I’ve learned lately, is that one, or two of these parasitic leeches has been attached to me. They have been behind me, nagging and applying their poison behind my back, tainting my name, staining my image.

Now, this was my problem. I have reacted in a big way before to similar circumstances, but then I was accused of being aggressive and mixing personal feelings with business feelings. I disagree with this but it was 11 against one so, didn’t really have much back up there.

So what do I do about these leeches? Apply the salt and hope they burn away. Maybe. However where do I get the salt from and how can I do this in a way they don’t react the same way, and I still retain my image?

I’m working on it.

I write this post, mostly as a reliever for me to get it out my system, much like most of my posts are, however I also want to prove a point, and show people that these people do exist and be wary with them. React in a calculated and strategic way. They want you to burst in and make a scene, as that will further stain your image and that will then be your fault. That’s how they work. Dark I know, but one thing I hold onto is this.

They keep collecting in that net, however nets have a certain limit until they break. So I will sit here, with my pop corn, ice cold Coca Cola, feet up in my lounge gear, and watch for that moment to come, as I sense it will be soon.

Don’t let people drag you along in their net, stand up, and show them you are more of a man or woman than they are, because you will publicly confront them whereas they lack the ability to do that, because leeches have a tendency to be very weak and also, by anatomical design, lack a backbone…

B x x x